*Shrug*

I'm tired. I should be sleeping, but instead I'm thinking, and as a result, blogging (of course...)

I don't know where to start in writing this down, so it may just be a jumble of thoughts. I have a friend, let's call him Sam. Sam and I get along really well, always smiling and laughing when we're together. Last night, Sam asked if I would like to go to a movie today, and I said that would be fun. Later that night, I looked up movie times, and texted him what would work for me. To summarize, I did hear back from Sam, but not about the movie, so I decided to just go alone, and let me tell you, it was great. Independence, man! (The movie, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, was incredible, by the way. I cried multiple times, and it's an action movie. Go see it.)

Anyway, normally, I would be really annoyed and upset by this turn of events. He asked me if I wanted to go, and then we never discussed it again. (For a planner, that is really frustrating.) But for some reason, I'm just done getting annoyed. I'm done putting more effort into a relationship than the other person.

Since I first started liking boys, I've been consumed by them. The most exciting times in my life mainly happened when I was developing a relationship with one of them, (even though few of them actually developed into something.) That's why I keep surprising myself by not being heartbroken when boys don't seem to care about me these days. However, it makes me super happy because I don't want my happiness or fullness of life to depend on whether or not a boy likes me, and I think I'm finally getting to that point. (YAY!!!)

So basically, right now I'm indifferent/skeptical of any relationships coming my way. Hopefully eventually a man will come along who will intentionally pursue me, and I will be safe to invest as much effort as I can. Until then, I'm going to enjoy my friends and dear, dear family. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings....hopefully the next one will be more interesting/deep/thought-provoking.

What Just Happened?

First of all, let's acknowledge the fact that I haven't blogged at all this semester. That's one indication of how crazy this semester was.

I've been trying to reflect on this semester so I could have something profound to say about it, but it hasn't been working out too well. I've realized that it takes a lot of effort to think of specific memories from this semester because the whole time I was pretty much just trying to keep my head above water. 

But today was the last day of classes, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully we can make it. 

I saw this on Twitter today, and it was so perfect that I had to share.
This will be me and several of my friends come next Saturday.

On a more serious note, it makes me sad that this semester was such a blur. I am thankful, though, for my dear friends who helped me survive with some of my sanity in tact and the fact that I can return next semester for another semester of learning from incredibly talented and caring professors. 

Here's hoping it will be less stressful than this semester!

Now for some pleasant memories that I can only think of because I took pictures...

Carmina Burana with Symphony of the Mountains

Wonderful Wednesday with my roommate!

My birthday in Asheville!

Birthday dessert

Ice cream in The Villages

Pizza delivered to our room at the beach!

Best buds

Wind

Jonathan's a grump.

Nate's birthday in Florida!

Reflecting

This semester I did about 368,000 reflections.

I'm already pretty introspective, so these weren't very hard for me. I could crank out 2 pages in about 20 minutes, which infuriated some of my friends, but oh well!

Anyway, apparently I've missed writing reflections, so I decided to write one about this semester. . .Don't worry, it will not be even close to two pages...I don't miss them that much.

This semester was probably the most head-spinning and challenging 5 months of my life. I'm sitting here writing this and I seriously have no idea where the time went. It feels as though I never even left Lexington. If I concentrate, I can make out fuzzy memories of happenings in the last few months: Heritage boot camp, the night of the Concert Choir bonfire, a weekend in Greeneville, my Junior Recital, a mass conglomeration of Heritage trips, an endless stream of laughter with my roommate, game night...that's about it. Everything else is a blur of running around, practicing, writing, studying, crying (internally, since I don't actually cry), overreacting, and procrastinating. 

I may not remember every minute of the past few months, but I know one thing: I am different. And I think in a good way. I am stronger. This semester made me think about a lot of things. I was challenged intellectually, quite a bit emotionally, and personally. My life goals have been re-defined, and I have realized what and who is truly important to me. Thank you, my friends, for being there to get me through all of this.

I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me during my time at Milligan.  

Thankful

There's no way I can be thankful enough for my life and all the things God has blessed me with.

I'm sure I'll leave some things out, but I'm going to make an effort to recognize some things and people I am most thankful for (in no particular order):

• Forgiveness and the hope of eternal life through my Savior
• Shelter
• Heat
• A job
• A functioning car
• My family
• My roommate (I would have lost my mind long ago without her)
• My incredible friends who mean so much to me
• Music
• Milligan College - the faculty who are like family, the quality education, the beautiful campus
• Concert Choir, Heritage
• The ability to keep in touch with friends and family all over the world
• My parents and a good upbringing

This is Too Much.

I can't believe how blessed I am.

Alright, it's finally time to take a minute and reflect on the past week. 

Tuesday was the day of my Junior Recital, so of course I was freaking out the days leading up to that day as well. Monday was rough, but one moment stood out in my mind: I was running around all day, going about my normal responsibilities and having no time to breathe (which is completely normal, but was extra stressful this time). I went up to one of my vocalist's lessons, and as soon as I walked in, she and her teacher told me to leave, so I could have time to focus on my stuff. Words cannot express how much this simple act meant to me, not to mention they gave me candy and Dr. A scheduled a time for me to come to her office Tuesday so she could adjust my general body alignment (Alexander Technique).
I made it through the rest of Monday, and went to bed very early, which was wonderful.

Tuesday, I woke up and went to my 9:30 class and then had a break from 11am - 3pm, thanks to my gracious faculty. I went to choir for a little while, and then Mr. DeLong let me leave early to start prepping for the recital, how nice :) I am so blessed that my parents and both sets of grandparents came in to see the recital, so I got to see and have dinner with them. After dinner, I came back and one of my dear friends did my hair. 

Long story short, the recital went really well, and I was so blessed to have so many of the people I love there. They seemed to enjoy it, and I got many hugs and had several people tell me they almost cried, which was awesome. 

So, thank you immensely to everyone who came out and all of your kind words. I cannot thank you enough for your love and support. I'm thankful for each and everyone of you.

Yay family :)

So glad to have these two graduated friends in attendance :)

Pretty flowers!!!

Of course, the day after the recital, it was time to get back to work. I had a research paper rough draft due on Thursday morning, so that took over my stress level. However, I eventually got it done, and now the stress is gone (for the moment). I got to enjoy a fun, relaxing trip with my Heritage family, and I couldn't be more thankful :)

It's Time

To move on and be healed.

Let's start at the beginning. This summer I formed a new relationship and that person became very dear to me. Long story short, a few weeks before I came back to school, my relationship with this person was fractured. I didn't realize how badly this affected me until I came back to school and actually had to see this person regularly. I was broken and changed.

I tried to go about things normally, but I think part of me was always hoping for things to go back to how they were during the summer, so when they never did, I was constantly disappointed and broken-hearted. Last night I got hurt again, and I decided that needed to be the last time. I was sick of being broken and it affecting my entire life. I just wasn't the same person that I had been before this whole ordeal went down.

I knew that there was no way I would be able to move on without God's help because I had been trying and trying this whole semester, and it just never worked. So I cried out for help and asked friends to pray for me as well. 

This evening, I incredibly had nothing to do (well, at least nothing due tomorrow), so my roommate and I got coffee and went to Jonesborough since I had been wanting to go walk around there for about a week. It was so fun and relaxing (even if it was cold.) 

On the way back, I realized that it's Wednesday and that The Well (a weekly service for college students) would be happening in half an hour, so I asked her if we should go. We agreed that it would be good to go.

It's amazing how God works these things out and pulls us to where He wants us. I could have been doing a bunch of other things, but He worked it out for me to be there, and I knew why within the first 5 minutes. The topic for the night was healing, renewing, and refreshing the soul. It was incredible and just what I needed to hear. It's like He's been there the whole time just waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for help. I'm so thankful that He is always there to heal my brokenness.

  
And to the friends who have been praying, thank you and please continue! 

Quality Time

Quality time can be a really inconvenient love language.

But maybe that's why it's so wonderful. 

Life gets sooooo busy, as we all know, and unfortunately, one of the first things thrown to the side is quality time with people we love. For some reason we see work, school, etc. as more important than relationships. I have no doubt that if we didn't eat and live in the same vicinity, I would hardly ever spend time with my friends. It pretty much only happens because there's no effort involved, which is sad. 

The days of planning to spend time together are basically non-existent. The only way I spend time with my friends is if we end up in the same place and decide to go out and do something (or do homework) together. Rarely do I make time to just sit down with a friend and discuss life or other issues. Tonight I made a Sonic run with a very dear friend whom I had seen several times during the week but never actually got to sit down and talk with. It was spontaneous, but it was so good to be able to talk with her about everything going on, discuss possible decisions, and joke about the future.

I am an introvert at heart, with quality time as my love language, and I need my one-on-one time. I feel so blessed and loved when friends make time for me and I try my best to make myself available to them because honestly, relationships are what matter, so make time. Let your friends know exactly how much they mean to you; put in the effort. That's my new goal, at least.

And if you want to find out your love language, here's the link to the test. I think it's so interesting :)
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/