I'm tired. I should be sleeping, but instead I'm thinking, and as a result, blogging (of course...)
I don't know where to start in writing this down, so it may just be a jumble of thoughts. I have a friend, let's call him Sam. Sam and I get along really well, always smiling and laughing when we're together. Last night, Sam asked if I would like to go to a movie today, and I said that would be fun. Later that night, I looked up movie times, and texted him what would work for me. To summarize, I did hear back from Sam, but not about the movie, so I decided to just go alone, and let me tell you, it was great. Independence, man! (The movie, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, was incredible, by the way. I cried multiple times, and it's an action movie. Go see it.)
Anyway, normally, I would be really annoyed and upset by this turn of events. He asked me if I wanted to go, and then we never discussed it again. (For a planner, that is really frustrating.) But for some reason, I'm just done getting annoyed. I'm done putting more effort into a relationship than the other person.
Since I first started liking boys, I've been consumed by them. The most exciting times in my life mainly happened when I was developing a relationship with one of them, (even though few of them actually developed into something.) That's why I keep surprising myself by not being heartbroken when boys don't seem to care about me these days. However, it makes me super happy because I don't want my happiness or fullness of life to depend on whether or not a boy likes me, and I think I'm finally getting to that point. (YAY!!!)
So basically, right now I'm indifferent/skeptical of any relationships coming my way. Hopefully eventually a man will come along who will intentionally pursue me, and I will be safe to invest as much effort as I can. Until then, I'm going to enjoy my friends and dear, dear family.
Thanks for reading my ramblings....hopefully the next one will be more interesting/deep/thought-provoking.
