It's Time

To move on and be healed.

Let's start at the beginning. This summer I formed a new relationship and that person became very dear to me. Long story short, a few weeks before I came back to school, my relationship with this person was fractured. I didn't realize how badly this affected me until I came back to school and actually had to see this person regularly. I was broken and changed.

I tried to go about things normally, but I think part of me was always hoping for things to go back to how they were during the summer, so when they never did, I was constantly disappointed and broken-hearted. Last night I got hurt again, and I decided that needed to be the last time. I was sick of being broken and it affecting my entire life. I just wasn't the same person that I had been before this whole ordeal went down.

I knew that there was no way I would be able to move on without God's help because I had been trying and trying this whole semester, and it just never worked. So I cried out for help and asked friends to pray for me as well. 

This evening, I incredibly had nothing to do (well, at least nothing due tomorrow), so my roommate and I got coffee and went to Jonesborough since I had been wanting to go walk around there for about a week. It was so fun and relaxing (even if it was cold.) 

On the way back, I realized that it's Wednesday and that The Well (a weekly service for college students) would be happening in half an hour, so I asked her if we should go. We agreed that it would be good to go.

It's amazing how God works these things out and pulls us to where He wants us. I could have been doing a bunch of other things, but He worked it out for me to be there, and I knew why within the first 5 minutes. The topic for the night was healing, renewing, and refreshing the soul. It was incredible and just what I needed to hear. It's like He's been there the whole time just waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for help. I'm so thankful that He is always there to heal my brokenness.

  
And to the friends who have been praying, thank you and please continue! 

Quality Time

Quality time can be a really inconvenient love language.

But maybe that's why it's so wonderful. 

Life gets sooooo busy, as we all know, and unfortunately, one of the first things thrown to the side is quality time with people we love. For some reason we see work, school, etc. as more important than relationships. I have no doubt that if we didn't eat and live in the same vicinity, I would hardly ever spend time with my friends. It pretty much only happens because there's no effort involved, which is sad. 

The days of planning to spend time together are basically non-existent. The only way I spend time with my friends is if we end up in the same place and decide to go out and do something (or do homework) together. Rarely do I make time to just sit down with a friend and discuss life or other issues. Tonight I made a Sonic run with a very dear friend whom I had seen several times during the week but never actually got to sit down and talk with. It was spontaneous, but it was so good to be able to talk with her about everything going on, discuss possible decisions, and joke about the future.

I am an introvert at heart, with quality time as my love language, and I need my one-on-one time. I feel so blessed and loved when friends make time for me and I try my best to make myself available to them because honestly, relationships are what matter, so make time. Let your friends know exactly how much they mean to you; put in the effort. That's my new goal, at least.

And if you want to find out your love language, here's the link to the test. I think it's so interesting :)
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Motivation is Fleeting

Sometimes motivation disappears.

That's pretty much what happened this past week. Last weekend was Fall Break, so I had plenty of time to get lots of things done. Guess what I did - pretty much nothing. I had no motivation during that time or most of this week. It was rather alarming, but I'm just thankful I didn't have anything huge to do. Thankfully, motivation has returned (at least in regards to piano,) and I'm getting more and more excited about my recital. 17 days!

This particular instrument helps restore my motivation.

Now let's just pray I can get this motivation to carry over to my schoolwork, and I'll be able to find a good balance between homework and practicing. Also, shout-out to Mumford and Sons who have helped keep my love for music alive this week. I've been listening to them pretty much non-stop all week....that might be a problem.

Jesus is my Groom, and I am the worst bride ever

If I were Jesus, I would have dumped me a long time ago.

I've been thinking about this recently. When I am in a relationship with someone, I try to be as invested in him as I can be. We talk throughout the day, in person or over the phone; we spend as much time together as we can and are intent on learning as much as we can about each other. We also do random things for each other to show our love.

This morning I was challenged by this thought: Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me, but what do I do about it? I  go to class, hang out with my friends, watch TV with my roommate, do homework, practice, and that's pretty much my life. Oh, and I go to church, too, and maybe I'll throw up a prayer every now and then, but how much time is that that I'm actually spending with the one Man who will always love me no matter what? About an hour and a half at most. 

Think about how that would translate into a relationship in this world - I go about my normal life, and he's always there. He's always with me, quietly waiting for me to love him back, but I pay no attention, I don't even realize he's there most of the time. Maybe I'll shoot him a text or two throughout the day, but I don't actually listen to anything he says, and then we'll spend an hour together once a week. Maybe I'll pay attention to him, but I'll probably be distracted by other things. This would not fly. 

That boy would dump me before I even knew that we were dating. But Jesus hasn't dumped me, and He's not going to. How incredible is this? Now, because of this, it's super easy to just go about life the same way I have been, but I can't do that. This Man died for me, and He is going to love me unconditionally forever. With tears of regret, I need to return and be fully invested in my relationship with Him. He is the only thing that matters in this world, and I don't know what I have been thinking to just throw Him to the side saying "I'm a little too busy for Your love right now, I'll be back later." I am not worthy of His love in the slightest, but I need to love Him back with all of my ability. 

Please pray for me as I try to leap back into my relationship with Him, and I pray that you will be touched by these thoughts as well.

I'm Alive

This week. 

Was probably the most stressful week of my life. It added up to 3 mid-terms, 12 pages of reflections, plus homework, AND my Junior Recital hearing. 

For those of you who don't know, a recital hearing consists of the performer playing through the planned recital pieces, and then the faculty decide whether or not the performer is prepared enough to do the recital. Also, if you don't pass your Junior Recital hearing, you can't do a Junior Recital or a Senior Recital, so it's kind of a big deal. 

I would have been stressed with just the hearing coming up, but when you add everything else on top of it, I was about to run away forever. But I survived, thank the Lord. 

Not intimidating at all, right?

My hearing was Wednesday morning. I went in and played through my pieces. I was surprised by how well it went, as my practice recitals had been a little rough. The faculty seemed pleased, and I passed! I was thrilled, of course, but I couldn't relax. I had to go through the rest of the day pretty much brain dead. Who knew a hearing would affect someone so obviously? I broke a cello string in Instrumental Methods, when I was informed that my friend lost her phone, I texted her to tell her, while I was at Chick-fil-A for dinner with friends, I had many mishaps, and the rest of the night was just crazy. 

Thankfully, I lived to see another day (and now two), and now I get to go have all the fun at a bonfire with beautiful friends. 

Thank you all for your support and prayers during this week. I couldn't have made it through without you and the presence of my Savior.