*Shrug*

I'm tired. I should be sleeping, but instead I'm thinking, and as a result, blogging (of course...)

I don't know where to start in writing this down, so it may just be a jumble of thoughts. I have a friend, let's call him Sam. Sam and I get along really well, always smiling and laughing when we're together. Last night, Sam asked if I would like to go to a movie today, and I said that would be fun. Later that night, I looked up movie times, and texted him what would work for me. To summarize, I did hear back from Sam, but not about the movie, so I decided to just go alone, and let me tell you, it was great. Independence, man! (The movie, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, was incredible, by the way. I cried multiple times, and it's an action movie. Go see it.)

Anyway, normally, I would be really annoyed and upset by this turn of events. He asked me if I wanted to go, and then we never discussed it again. (For a planner, that is really frustrating.) But for some reason, I'm just done getting annoyed. I'm done putting more effort into a relationship than the other person.

Since I first started liking boys, I've been consumed by them. The most exciting times in my life mainly happened when I was developing a relationship with one of them, (even though few of them actually developed into something.) That's why I keep surprising myself by not being heartbroken when boys don't seem to care about me these days. However, it makes me super happy because I don't want my happiness or fullness of life to depend on whether or not a boy likes me, and I think I'm finally getting to that point. (YAY!!!)

So basically, right now I'm indifferent/skeptical of any relationships coming my way. Hopefully eventually a man will come along who will intentionally pursue me, and I will be safe to invest as much effort as I can. Until then, I'm going to enjoy my friends and dear, dear family. 

Thanks for reading my ramblings....hopefully the next one will be more interesting/deep/thought-provoking.

What Just Happened?

First of all, let's acknowledge the fact that I haven't blogged at all this semester. That's one indication of how crazy this semester was.

I've been trying to reflect on this semester so I could have something profound to say about it, but it hasn't been working out too well. I've realized that it takes a lot of effort to think of specific memories from this semester because the whole time I was pretty much just trying to keep my head above water. 

But today was the last day of classes, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Hopefully we can make it. 

I saw this on Twitter today, and it was so perfect that I had to share.
This will be me and several of my friends come next Saturday.

On a more serious note, it makes me sad that this semester was such a blur. I am thankful, though, for my dear friends who helped me survive with some of my sanity in tact and the fact that I can return next semester for another semester of learning from incredibly talented and caring professors. 

Here's hoping it will be less stressful than this semester!

Now for some pleasant memories that I can only think of because I took pictures...

Carmina Burana with Symphony of the Mountains

Wonderful Wednesday with my roommate!

My birthday in Asheville!

Birthday dessert

Ice cream in The Villages

Pizza delivered to our room at the beach!

Best buds

Wind

Jonathan's a grump.

Nate's birthday in Florida!

Reflecting

This semester I did about 368,000 reflections.

I'm already pretty introspective, so these weren't very hard for me. I could crank out 2 pages in about 20 minutes, which infuriated some of my friends, but oh well!

Anyway, apparently I've missed writing reflections, so I decided to write one about this semester. . .Don't worry, it will not be even close to two pages...I don't miss them that much.

This semester was probably the most head-spinning and challenging 5 months of my life. I'm sitting here writing this and I seriously have no idea where the time went. It feels as though I never even left Lexington. If I concentrate, I can make out fuzzy memories of happenings in the last few months: Heritage boot camp, the night of the Concert Choir bonfire, a weekend in Greeneville, my Junior Recital, a mass conglomeration of Heritage trips, an endless stream of laughter with my roommate, game night...that's about it. Everything else is a blur of running around, practicing, writing, studying, crying (internally, since I don't actually cry), overreacting, and procrastinating. 

I may not remember every minute of the past few months, but I know one thing: I am different. And I think in a good way. I am stronger. This semester made me think about a lot of things. I was challenged intellectually, quite a bit emotionally, and personally. My life goals have been re-defined, and I have realized what and who is truly important to me. Thank you, my friends, for being there to get me through all of this.

I can't wait to see what else God has in store for me during my time at Milligan.  

Thankful

There's no way I can be thankful enough for my life and all the things God has blessed me with.

I'm sure I'll leave some things out, but I'm going to make an effort to recognize some things and people I am most thankful for (in no particular order):

• Forgiveness and the hope of eternal life through my Savior
• Shelter
• Heat
• A job
• A functioning car
• My family
• My roommate (I would have lost my mind long ago without her)
• My incredible friends who mean so much to me
• Music
• Milligan College - the faculty who are like family, the quality education, the beautiful campus
• Concert Choir, Heritage
• The ability to keep in touch with friends and family all over the world
• My parents and a good upbringing

This is Too Much.

I can't believe how blessed I am.

Alright, it's finally time to take a minute and reflect on the past week. 

Tuesday was the day of my Junior Recital, so of course I was freaking out the days leading up to that day as well. Monday was rough, but one moment stood out in my mind: I was running around all day, going about my normal responsibilities and having no time to breathe (which is completely normal, but was extra stressful this time). I went up to one of my vocalist's lessons, and as soon as I walked in, she and her teacher told me to leave, so I could have time to focus on my stuff. Words cannot express how much this simple act meant to me, not to mention they gave me candy and Dr. A scheduled a time for me to come to her office Tuesday so she could adjust my general body alignment (Alexander Technique).
I made it through the rest of Monday, and went to bed very early, which was wonderful.

Tuesday, I woke up and went to my 9:30 class and then had a break from 11am - 3pm, thanks to my gracious faculty. I went to choir for a little while, and then Mr. DeLong let me leave early to start prepping for the recital, how nice :) I am so blessed that my parents and both sets of grandparents came in to see the recital, so I got to see and have dinner with them. After dinner, I came back and one of my dear friends did my hair. 

Long story short, the recital went really well, and I was so blessed to have so many of the people I love there. They seemed to enjoy it, and I got many hugs and had several people tell me they almost cried, which was awesome. 

So, thank you immensely to everyone who came out and all of your kind words. I cannot thank you enough for your love and support. I'm thankful for each and everyone of you.

Yay family :)

So glad to have these two graduated friends in attendance :)

Pretty flowers!!!

Of course, the day after the recital, it was time to get back to work. I had a research paper rough draft due on Thursday morning, so that took over my stress level. However, I eventually got it done, and now the stress is gone (for the moment). I got to enjoy a fun, relaxing trip with my Heritage family, and I couldn't be more thankful :)

It's Time

To move on and be healed.

Let's start at the beginning. This summer I formed a new relationship and that person became very dear to me. Long story short, a few weeks before I came back to school, my relationship with this person was fractured. I didn't realize how badly this affected me until I came back to school and actually had to see this person regularly. I was broken and changed.

I tried to go about things normally, but I think part of me was always hoping for things to go back to how they were during the summer, so when they never did, I was constantly disappointed and broken-hearted. Last night I got hurt again, and I decided that needed to be the last time. I was sick of being broken and it affecting my entire life. I just wasn't the same person that I had been before this whole ordeal went down.

I knew that there was no way I would be able to move on without God's help because I had been trying and trying this whole semester, and it just never worked. So I cried out for help and asked friends to pray for me as well. 

This evening, I incredibly had nothing to do (well, at least nothing due tomorrow), so my roommate and I got coffee and went to Jonesborough since I had been wanting to go walk around there for about a week. It was so fun and relaxing (even if it was cold.) 

On the way back, I realized that it's Wednesday and that The Well (a weekly service for college students) would be happening in half an hour, so I asked her if we should go. We agreed that it would be good to go.

It's amazing how God works these things out and pulls us to where He wants us. I could have been doing a bunch of other things, but He worked it out for me to be there, and I knew why within the first 5 minutes. The topic for the night was healing, renewing, and refreshing the soul. It was incredible and just what I needed to hear. It's like He's been there the whole time just waiting for me to turn to Him and ask for help. I'm so thankful that He is always there to heal my brokenness.

  
And to the friends who have been praying, thank you and please continue! 

Quality Time

Quality time can be a really inconvenient love language.

But maybe that's why it's so wonderful. 

Life gets sooooo busy, as we all know, and unfortunately, one of the first things thrown to the side is quality time with people we love. For some reason we see work, school, etc. as more important than relationships. I have no doubt that if we didn't eat and live in the same vicinity, I would hardly ever spend time with my friends. It pretty much only happens because there's no effort involved, which is sad. 

The days of planning to spend time together are basically non-existent. The only way I spend time with my friends is if we end up in the same place and decide to go out and do something (or do homework) together. Rarely do I make time to just sit down with a friend and discuss life or other issues. Tonight I made a Sonic run with a very dear friend whom I had seen several times during the week but never actually got to sit down and talk with. It was spontaneous, but it was so good to be able to talk with her about everything going on, discuss possible decisions, and joke about the future.

I am an introvert at heart, with quality time as my love language, and I need my one-on-one time. I feel so blessed and loved when friends make time for me and I try my best to make myself available to them because honestly, relationships are what matter, so make time. Let your friends know exactly how much they mean to you; put in the effort. That's my new goal, at least.

And if you want to find out your love language, here's the link to the test. I think it's so interesting :)
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Motivation is Fleeting

Sometimes motivation disappears.

That's pretty much what happened this past week. Last weekend was Fall Break, so I had plenty of time to get lots of things done. Guess what I did - pretty much nothing. I had no motivation during that time or most of this week. It was rather alarming, but I'm just thankful I didn't have anything huge to do. Thankfully, motivation has returned (at least in regards to piano,) and I'm getting more and more excited about my recital. 17 days!

This particular instrument helps restore my motivation.

Now let's just pray I can get this motivation to carry over to my schoolwork, and I'll be able to find a good balance between homework and practicing. Also, shout-out to Mumford and Sons who have helped keep my love for music alive this week. I've been listening to them pretty much non-stop all week....that might be a problem.

Jesus is my Groom, and I am the worst bride ever

If I were Jesus, I would have dumped me a long time ago.

I've been thinking about this recently. When I am in a relationship with someone, I try to be as invested in him as I can be. We talk throughout the day, in person or over the phone; we spend as much time together as we can and are intent on learning as much as we can about each other. We also do random things for each other to show our love.

This morning I was challenged by this thought: Jesus loves me. Jesus loves me, but what do I do about it? I  go to class, hang out with my friends, watch TV with my roommate, do homework, practice, and that's pretty much my life. Oh, and I go to church, too, and maybe I'll throw up a prayer every now and then, but how much time is that that I'm actually spending with the one Man who will always love me no matter what? About an hour and a half at most. 

Think about how that would translate into a relationship in this world - I go about my normal life, and he's always there. He's always with me, quietly waiting for me to love him back, but I pay no attention, I don't even realize he's there most of the time. Maybe I'll shoot him a text or two throughout the day, but I don't actually listen to anything he says, and then we'll spend an hour together once a week. Maybe I'll pay attention to him, but I'll probably be distracted by other things. This would not fly. 

That boy would dump me before I even knew that we were dating. But Jesus hasn't dumped me, and He's not going to. How incredible is this? Now, because of this, it's super easy to just go about life the same way I have been, but I can't do that. This Man died for me, and He is going to love me unconditionally forever. With tears of regret, I need to return and be fully invested in my relationship with Him. He is the only thing that matters in this world, and I don't know what I have been thinking to just throw Him to the side saying "I'm a little too busy for Your love right now, I'll be back later." I am not worthy of His love in the slightest, but I need to love Him back with all of my ability. 

Please pray for me as I try to leap back into my relationship with Him, and I pray that you will be touched by these thoughts as well.

I'm Alive

This week. 

Was probably the most stressful week of my life. It added up to 3 mid-terms, 12 pages of reflections, plus homework, AND my Junior Recital hearing. 

For those of you who don't know, a recital hearing consists of the performer playing through the planned recital pieces, and then the faculty decide whether or not the performer is prepared enough to do the recital. Also, if you don't pass your Junior Recital hearing, you can't do a Junior Recital or a Senior Recital, so it's kind of a big deal. 

I would have been stressed with just the hearing coming up, but when you add everything else on top of it, I was about to run away forever. But I survived, thank the Lord. 

Not intimidating at all, right?

My hearing was Wednesday morning. I went in and played through my pieces. I was surprised by how well it went, as my practice recitals had been a little rough. The faculty seemed pleased, and I passed! I was thrilled, of course, but I couldn't relax. I had to go through the rest of the day pretty much brain dead. Who knew a hearing would affect someone so obviously? I broke a cello string in Instrumental Methods, when I was informed that my friend lost her phone, I texted her to tell her, while I was at Chick-fil-A for dinner with friends, I had many mishaps, and the rest of the night was just crazy. 

Thankfully, I lived to see another day (and now two), and now I get to go have all the fun at a bonfire with beautiful friends. 

Thank you all for your support and prayers during this week. I couldn't have made it through without you and the presence of my Savior. 

Productive Friday Afternoons

I LOVE Fridays.

Mainly because I get to sleep in until 9 and only have to go to one class. Because of this, I have aaaaall day to get stuff done. During the week I'm constantly running around or working on things due later in the day. Fridays are the days that I get to use to regroup and organize my life/room. My project today was organizing my desk. I made the mistake earlier in the year not to use binders for most of my class because they just take up space in my backpack and I only get 1 or 2 pieces of paper during class. Unfortunately, these papers quickly add up, so my desk was cluttered with them. This had been driving me crazy for the past few days, especially when I would look for a paper but not be able to find it, so today I went back to my old system and put the papers in binders. It feels so good. 

You may not be impressed, but you should
have seen it before I started.

Now it's time to get to work on homework and studying. I have at least 12 pages of reflections to do by Wednesday (which is also the day of my Junior Recital Hearing), Mid-Terms on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday (Intro to Education, Music History, and Music Technology), plus my Mom is coming in tonight ... It'll all get done...right? 

FALL

Fall is here, and it is magical.

It's getting cool outside (I can tell because my rings are falling off,) and it makes me so happy. My first thought whenever fall starts making an appearance is "It's marching band weather!" What I wouldn't give to be back in high school just to experience marching band again. What wonderful memories.

Fall makes me feel as if life is full of endless possibilities. I have always been a "jeans and a hoodie" kind of girl. Surrounding a bonfire with my closest friends is one of my favorite things in the world to do. Not to mention, fall in east Tennessee is one of the most beautiful things God has blessed us with. 

Enjoying some hot cider on a cool fall day.
Photo Credit Lukas Williams

So even if you're a summer lover, or hate cold weather, try to appreciate this season. Soak up all the changing colors and remember that spring will come again, when everything will burst to life again.

Relationships

Relationships are hard.

Let's think about this - we're all humans, but none of us are the same. We have all had different experiences that have shaped us into who we are today. Because of these differences, what one person could blow off as nothing, could destroy another person's day. Communication is essential. Knowing a person and how words and actions effect them is crucial to a healthy relationship.

This is amusing, but unfortunately, it's not that easy, at least if you want a deep friendship. I'm slowly realizing that friendship takes effort and needs to be intentional. Especially during school, I find that I'm not always a good friend. I get busy and distracted by different things, and I don't always put all the effort into my relationships as I should. I grow distant from my friends, and before I know it, things are not how they used to be. 

Being an introvert, sometimes I get to wondering if it's really worth it. I mean really, it takes so much time to get to know someone, truly invest in them, and care for them. And after a long day of classes, practicing, etc., I'm ready to just go to my room and not talk to anybody. It's also a risk because they could choose to walk away from the relationship at any time, and you're left with the memories of how things used to be, which is the worst. However, on the other side of things, community is a wonderful thing, and having people to share everything with is invaluable. 

So after all this jumbled thinking, here's my final thought: being in relationships is hard and sometimes complicated, but without people to go through life with, what's the point? I guess I think the effort is worth it in the long run, you just have to choose the right people to completely invest in. 

Miss Eversole

Since when is my name Miss Eversole? 

For my Intro to Education class, I have to have a certain number of observation hours. This morning was my first visit to my assigned teacher. Now, let me tell you, figuring out a time to observe was incredibly difficult, so I get the privilege of going at 7:50am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. . . This morning, getting up wasn't too difficult, but we'll see how much harder it gets in the weeks to come.  

I was nervous and not really looking forward to this experience, but once I got there (and found the office), things were great. The teacher (let's call her Julie) is funny, friendly, and very laid-back, and the students are very amusing. At the end of the summer, I was questioning whether or not teaching is really what I want to do. I was unsure that I would be able to find purpose through that, but this morning reassured me that teaching is a good choice. 

The class is a choral class for beginners. None of the students are very experienced, so I knew this would be an interesting class to observe. To start off, Julie split the class up into sectionals and had me teach the altos their part to a new song. This was fun but kind of challenging, since I'm used to working with people who can at least read music. 

I'm super excited about this opportunity and can't wait to get to know Julie and the students more, along with learning different techniques that I can use in my future teaching career. 

Memories

And the memories came flooding back.

I just watched a video that was made my freshman year here at Milligan. It always makes me laugh, but this time I was flooded with memories of that year along with specific feelings and even smells from that night. 

The video was for my Humanities project. I arranged a section of my favorite song, and enlisted the help of some of my friends to sing the parts for me. This video was filmed at about 11 o'clock the night before the project was due...maybe that's why we were so loopy. 
You can view the video by clicking here.

This night was one of the best nights of my life, and not only because I was in love with one of the gentlemen (no secret there). There were so many laughs during the filming and after that my sides hurt. I remember the details of that night more vividly than most, and thinking of it always brings a smile to my face. We rehearsed the song a few times and then turned on the camera. As you can see, there were many many takes and mistakes. I'm so glad everyone kept a positive attitude throughout the whole thing because it very easily could have turned sour. There could have been frustration and arguments but instead there was laughter and tears of joy, and that is why I hold it so close to my heart.

Though some of us may not be as close as we used to be, I cherish these moments and people more than they know. 

Pieces of Life

My life has a lot of pieces.

There's the very prevalent music piece, of course, and the friend piece. The piece I always need to pay more attention to is the spiritual piece. There's the family piece, the media piece, the coffee piece, the introvert piece, and then there's the new learning about education piece. Lately, I've been trying to fit all of these pieces together within everyday, and it causes me to have no time for silence. The only silence I experience is when I'm sleeping. 

On Monday & Wednesday, I wake up at 7 and usually don't return to my room until 5:30. Once I do return, it's time to eat dinner and then either do homework or head back down to the music building to practice. Tuesday & Thursday I don't have to wake up until 8:20 (which is a luxury), but then I have class until either 8:20 or 9 with about an hour break for dinner and some work. Fridays are heavenly because I only have one class, but I will soon begin my observations for one of my education classes.

My Junior Recital hearing (when I play the entire program from memory for the music faculty and they decide if I can do a recital or not) is on October 2nd. That's right, less than a month from now. My professor and I decided on the final selections on Monday, so as you can imagine, I'm spending all my spare time at the piano trying to breathe new life into previously learned pieces or learning the new pieces and cramming them into my memory. As much stress as this brings, I am super excited for my recital. I have some incredible pieces (Mozart, Schumann, Liszt, Ravel, Rachmaninoff) and I cannot wait to share them with everybody that comes. They will cry (I hope), and I probably will too.

So friends and family, I'm sorry if I cannot spend as much time with you as I or you would like. This period of my life will be over in 2 MONTHS FROM TODAY. (Yes, I just had a little freakout, ask my roommate,) and then I will gladly return to your life if you will have me. Please be patient, and bring me as much coffee as you feel led to. 

Confrontation

I hate confrontation. It's the worst.

It stresses me out. I hate having to talk about my feelings. I guess I hate being vulnerable. 

This past week I decided to confront one of my dear friends because I was having some thoughts that were making me bitter, so instead of just letting the friendship fizzle out, I went out on a limb and said something. 

We talked about it the other night and it was super beneficial. It took me a few tries and some encouragement to get the words out (I think I was trying to guard my heart from potential pain), but once I spit it out, things were good. It was so good to discuss the issue, and hear what my friend had been thinking. 

It made me think about how many things grow, fester, and eventually explode just because we aren't willing to communicate. We never know exactly what another person is thinking, so before we jump to conclusions or get upset, we should just try to express our thoughts and feelings. This is so much easier said than done, but it would be so much better for our mental health. 

This situation with my friend could have easily gone sour and end up with us (or at least me) never speaking to the person again, but now that we discussed it, our friendship is stronger than ever, and I look forward to memories that will be made together. 

So yeah....communicate!

Distracted

A moment of honesty: I have been incredibly distracted from my relationship with God recently.

Since getting back to school, I have been spending all of my time either with friends, practicing, or doing homework, and I have let my relationship with God slip to the sidelines. Because of this, doubts have been seeping in about different things that don't usually bother me. I know it's the enemy because when I'm praying regularly, these thoughts don't get in. Please pray for me while I try to get back on track and focused on the only thing that truly matters - my Father. 

Pinterest Got Me Thinking

This is the blog post that inspired me to make a blog, so here we go.

I've seen a lot of things on Pinterest that talk about what a makes a person worthy of being in your life...

Now, this is a great thought initially, but I got to thinking about it, and I wasn't so sure anymore. It is indeed important to have people in your life who will be there to support you and help you, but if those are the only people in your life, you might end up empty. Also, I don't think this is something Christ would encourage us to believe. Supportive friends are an incredible blessing, and I don't know what I would do without mine, but Christ encourages us to go beyond our friends. 

There are people in my life who aren't always there for me. I have people who hurt me and don't really know or care that they do. It's tempting to just cut them out of my life, and I have a few times, but this is not what Christ would want. He tells us to love our enemies. We need to love those who hurt us and those who never talk about anything but themselves. I know a few people who rarely, if ever, ask how I'm doing. It's a struggle for me to continue to hang out with them, but I try to do it because I know that these people need a friend. I may not get anything out of the relationship, but sometimes that's okay. I have a beautiful group of friends who will support me through the hard times, and because of that, I need to strive to be that for whoever else needs it. 

None of us are worthy of anything. We have all fallen short and done terrible things, so to say that another person is not worthy of being in my life, that's making myself greater than I am. I have hurt my friends before and not cared for them as I should have. I am not worthy of being in their life, but they still love me and accept me. For that I am eternally grateful, and I am going to strive to be that friend to whoever needs it. I encourage you to ponder this and let me know your thoughts. I will be praying for you, and I would appreciate prayers from you.

Food and Friends

The simple things in life can be the best blessings. 

Yesterday I enjoyed a lot of quality time with great friends. A trip to Starbucks started the festivities, and then it was time for dinner at Main Street Pizza. The food was good, the fellowship was good, no complaints. We dropped one friend off and picked up another, then headed to Menchie's for Ben's first froyo experience.

He enjoyed it thoroughly 

After Menchie's, we all decided to head out to see a friend play in one of his bands. This was a new experience. I tried some sushi for the first time ever and was pretty pleasantly surprised. There were lots of laughs, and the music was fantastic. I'm very fond of these people. I couldn't ask for a better night.

This morning, I went with a couple of these fine fellows, to see some more fine fellows (Milligan's Heard Mentality) sing at church. Of course, we had to stay for the potluck after the service. Needless to say, there was plenty of delicious food. Tonight is a music major/minor cookout at a professor's house, and I don't even want to think about how much food will be there, but I can't wait to spend another night with my favorite people. I live a truly blessed life.